How a zombie haircut ruined my seven year old life


Why is it that nothing I plan turns out quite like I had anticipated?

You know, when you have a distinct mental image of how something is going to fair out and then… *Cue facepalm*.

It just seems to be the running story of my life.

My first encounter with disappointment of this sort was back in 1999. *Chews a piece of straw, lifts off hat, places it on chest and tilts head back*

It was a day like any other.

Except that today I thought, “I gotta’ get me some new friends”.

I scanned the room; picking out only the finest stock.

Claire and Antoinette perhaps?

But Chloe, you don’t actually think they’ll want to be friends with you, do you?! My brain teased.

Well, yeah. I can tie my own laces and put on my own coat now?

They won’t want you… My brain sneered.

duhfh

Who was I kidding. My brain was right.

I needed a plan.

I needed a plan to impress these girls.

Then I had it.

The one thing that impresses all seven year old girls in my humble seven year old opinion.

I was going to make myself look like a Zombie!  

jdkfjsdkjdsk

They’ll love it and want to be my friends forever.

But how?

Then I spotted it.

The packet of Bluetac on my Teacher’s desk.

This will definitely do the trick.

I will put it all over my face and hair; they’ll definitely be impressed.

So I shyly sidled up to the desk.

Snatched the Bluetac and ran off to the toilets.

In my departure, the search for the missing Bluetac was on.

10 minutes later, I reappeared.

What if they don’t recognise me, think I’m really a zombie and Teacher shoots me?

I didn’t like this plan so much anymore.

But I needed new friends and that was more important.

I could barely see but crept up behind the two girls, tapped Antoinette on the back and waited.

BOO!

jhjh

“Chloe, is that Bluetac on your face?”

Yup.

“Teacher is looking for that…”

I’m a Zombie.

“You’re in trouble”

Do you want some? I saved you both some. We can all be Zombies.

“No thanks”

Oh, okay.

I walk away; head down.

Defeated.

It’s impossible.

Stupid Bluetac. Stupid Antoinette and Claire.

Didn’t like them anyway.

I ripped the Bluetac from my face and ouchh.

It’s stuck in my hair.

My heart is pounding.

I tug and I tug at my hair.

I feel like my life is over.

Now I’m gonna’ have Zombie hair forever and ever!

Milestone events flash in my mind.

My Wedding Day.

married

My children.

Each of them running around sporting the Bluetac Zombie hair they inherited from me.

Worst of all, Teacher will know I took the Bluetac.

I know, I’ll cut it out.

I grab the scissors and close my eyes.

Snip. Snip. Snip.

“CHLOE MC MAHON, What are you doing?!”

Um.

“Are you cutting your hair in my classroom?!”

…Yeaaaahhh…. *My voice cracks in fear*

“Get back to your seat now!”

I sit back at my seat.

Everyone is staring at my new ‘haircut’.

Teacher tells everyone to get back to work.

They stop working to take occasional glances.

I keep my head down and pretend not to notice.

I guess I’ll never have friends now.

kjkuoiuoiuiou

 

Lesson learned?

Maybe Zombies aren’t all that after all.

 

 

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