Apparently it’s 2016 now


I had originally planned to blog on New Year’s Day, but was much too hungover and ashamed.

However, one week later, I think it’s time.

This year I swore I would stay sober long enough to see in the New Year at a reasonable state of intoxication.

Last year, I cried manically and was likened to a wild animal. What with the galloping and the headbutting when receiving the news that it was now time to go home.

Noone was harmed in my capture.
Noone was harmed in my capture.

I should have known this year would not end well.

After all, I smuggled a bottle of wine inside my friend’s brother’s pillowcase into said venue.

A statement which probably wouldn’t go a miss at an AA meeting when asked, “When did you first realise you had a problem?”

The rest of the evening is a blur to be honest.

Probably not helped by the fact I fell asleep.

Before you judge, ask yourself: What’s a big comfy sofa doing there in the first place?

It’s there to help weary folk like me who’ve fallen down the worse for drink.

Thank you.

In my drunken slumber, I’d forgotten it was New Year’s Eve.

I was suddenly awoken by my also drunken, confused friend Sarah, who had spent the entire night looking for me while I slept.

“Chloe, what are you doing?”

Sleeping.

“Why though?”

I’m just sleeping? What’s the big deal?

“Why but?”

What’s your problem with it like?

“I just wanna know why you’re lying there…”

I’m just sleeping. Not like I’m killing anybody.

“Why are you doing it?”

What’s your problem with my life? You’re clearly jealous.

Several minutes later I was again woken by numerous people showering me in hugs, kisses and handshakes.

I had totally forgotten it was New Year’s Eve, so there was only one explanation for the spontaneous bout of affection towards me.

The world had realised how awesome I am.

I lapped it up, of course.

I realised there was no time for sleep.

I must get up at once and greet my people.

I had no speech prepared or anything.

The next two hours were spent apparently downing friend’s drinks, lying down for an occasional nap and walking around with my dress tucked into my tights.

Next year I am abstaining from alcohol.

And here it is in writing.

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